Sunday, July 31, 2011


I've been pretty active the past couple of months, so this weekend I decided I'm not doing ANYTHING. It happens to me sometimes, I just can't tolerate people's faces anymore, so I hibernate for a few days to recoup. I have to say, Lifetime was on FIRE yesterday. They played the Hilary Swank "I beat my mom" classic Terror In The Family. How in the hell did she go from this shit to winning two Academy Awards? Next, one of my absolute FAVS, Family Sins with Kirstie Alley playing the stepmother from hell. And last but not least, that Jennifer Love Hewitt prostitution movie. But I digress...

Yesterday I was getting a little bored, so I downloaded Grindr on my phone. Yeah yeah, I know this shit has been around for ages, but I've avoided it because it's just not my style. For those who are completely tardy for the party, Grindr is an app you can download on your phone that shows you the nearest gay guys based on your GPS. You can message each other, set up a date (or more likely a fuck), etc. 

Okay, moment of honesty, there are guys messaging me on Grindr that I would no doubt screw five ways to Sunday if I met them in real life. But I just can't do this online hookup thing! I don't know what it is... fear? Maybe I'm just old-fashioned? Maybe deep down I've gotten too happy being alone? Low self-esteem about my looks? My aversion to drama? All of the above? Who the frak knows... I just don't have the will/desire to follow through with one of these.

I did do an online hookup once that didn't go too well, so maybe that's it. It was a particularly horny time and all I kept meeting in real life was club/bar trash. Everyone was talking about the casual encounters section on craigslist (lmao, don't judge me!), so I figured what the hell... The encounter itself went fine, he was a nice looking guy, supposedly a mechanic (which is a turn on), he got off, I got off. He even came back in the morning for a repeat session. And then the shit hit the fan... we started talking afterwards and he told me he was married with two kids. I immediately felt like white trash and told him to leave. I can't stand drama and I've seen too many episodes of Forensic Files and Cheaters to get caught up in that kind of shit.

So, what do you guys think about Grindr/Manhunt/craiglist and the rest of their ilk? Am I over-thinking it? Have you had any experiences with it? I'm curious.


  1. Okay Nathan. Here is my take on Grindr and all the other websites like this that you arrange meetings online. Back some 20 or more years ago I really got into this on Hotmail (I can't believe it was that long ago). Here's the deal, everyone and I mean EVERYONE LIES. I lost count of the number of guys I met, all disasters. All liars. Maybe my problem is that I don't lie. I don't lie about my age, occupation, marital status or anything else. Everyone else does. All of the guys I met online were married except one guy and I doubted his story. ALL OF THEM. I don't have the same problem you have with the monogamy aspect (I don't believe in it but that's another whole story), but these guys will treat you like a THING if you let them. I didn't. To me it was a colossal waste of time. About half the guys don't show up for the meeting and the ones who do all have ISSUES. Recently I got on Grindr, not for a hookup (which is out of the question because I am of the deadly age of 69 - I am officially nonexistent as a person in Gay World but again, that is another whole subject), but out of curiosity. I posted a profile and my picture. The first response I got was "I like older men." Sure, as a sugar daddy (been there, done that). The other response was from a Chinese guy who lives in Washington D.C. I'm not into orientals but he seemed nice. I met him and his older "friend" a couple of weeks ago. It went well enough except that I was totally attracted to his friend and not to him. That caused a problem. So the end result is drama. Like you, I don't need drama in my life. I enjoy my blog. I enjoy meeting people. But the last time I hooked up with someone (2004), after we "did it", he informed me he was HIV positive! Thanks a lot. I asked him why he didn't tell me before. He said "You should've ask." I got my test (my third one) and fortunately it came out negative but not before I went through hell thinking "What did I just do?" These days Nathan if I need an outlet (which I occasionally do) I'll entertain myself. It works so much better and there is no drama. I wish you good luck in meeting people but from my experience, they all lie. All of them. If you're honest, you are literally fucked.

  2. Wow Ron, tell me how you really feel! Don't worry, I'm certainly not looking for monogamy on any of these sites. I just don't fuck with married men, that's how people get shot.

    If I'm gonna have a casual romp, it's got to be with someone I've met and at least have some kind of chemistry with. I'm just not getting that from these avenues. I guess taking that chance is part of the thrill?

    I'll just go about it the old fashioned way... or be sexless. Not that big of a deal really.

  3. Hmmm...I dunno...
    I'm hardwired to want a I have little experience with casual sex, except by mistake. ahem

    But if you're looking for a casual romp, I think you're right to want to meet first.
    It is all about chemistry, after all.

    However, I know the bars around here no one ever seems to meet anyone. I've been with friends at the bar who are chatting with other patrons of the bar on Grindr!
    Grindr (and online) has seemed to have killed all other ways of meeting...and maybe a whole generations ability to interact in person. But I digress...

    Have you tried Okcupid? It's free btw.

    That said, I've met hundreds of guys (no lie...ahem) by way of the internet...never a mass murderer or such....but a lot of sad souls and lots and lots of assholes, but no axe murderers or anything. I'm hoping all that is behind me now cause it's very exhausting and emotionally draining.

  4. I know, the scene is a freaking joke these days. The last time I went to a gay bar, it was full of straight guys with their girlfriends... Seriously?

    I don't know what I want anymore. Part of me wants a relationship, part of me doesn't want to get burned again. I've never been one for casual sex, I've gone years in between at times, but sometimes I just need... something.

    Being gay sucks sometimes. It's so hard to meet anyone worth wasting time on.

  5. Being gay sucks all the time....except for those people who always seem to be having fun doing it, you know those? grrr. Wtf?
    Anyways, yeah, I think the important thing is figuring out what you want in the first place.
    But that's the hard part.

    Then just get out there and practice, I guess. But what do I know?

  6. That was my experience Nathan. I thought meeting people through the Internet (and before that ads in the Philadelphia Gay News) was an option. Unfortunately, it is not. No one is honest. They all lie either about their age, marital status, job or whatever else they can lie about. I guess we were looking for different things. I was looking for friendship. They were looking for sex only. I've never been just about sex.

  7. Get on Scruff which is more awesome than Grindr, Manhunt and Craigslist combine.

  8. I agree with all y'all.

    Going to college in a small town was an
    awful place to meet a guy. If you did drama
    soon followed due to the tiny cluster of gays
    in the area (nothing frustrates/infuriates me
    more than small town socialite syndrome). I
    thought moving to New Orleans for during Grad
    School would help but it just opened up more
    cans of crazy. At the bars the guys seemed more
    interested in watching the video loops suspended
    above the crowd than the crowd itself(as I'm sure Jason can attest). And no matter how awesome the connection, you just can't date a tourist. Here in Manhattan there is the problem of getting past the wall of defensive friends. Two people can hit it off swimmingly but if their friends object it tends to get shelved with surprising quickness.

    I myself actually like conversation and dealing with live living people and will usually srike one up with whoever cares to have one (sometimes leading to hilarious/disasterous/confusing things). This past week I noticed a guy I'm working for who is well into his sixties was perusing manhunt at work. All the time. So I figure why not reactivate and see whats up.
    There are a few message conversations that have
    reached the point of discussing schedule compatibility. I suppose the moral is that if you want a fish you either go to the big dirty stream and stick in your paw or sit quietly next to the pond and hope for the best. To eat the fish or not is another question.