Saturday, April 30, 2011


I know quite a few people who can get a few hours of sleep, hop out of bed and be completely normal. NOTE: I am not one of those people. If I don't get at least six hours of sleep, I am a grouchy hot pile of garbage. These past two weeks have been a true test... first off, I've somehow jacked-up my hip while running. Every time I roll over in the middle of the night, it wakes me up (on the plus side, I have a nice pimp walk now). It's getting better, but still annoying.

And the birds! The BIRDS! The fucking BIRDS! I understand that it's spring, but these birds need to realize what timezone they're in. Every morning from 3am to 6am it is non-stop singing and screeching outside of my window. I have HAD it! Picture me on my deck, in my pajamas at 4 in the morning, throwing handfuls of pebbles (that extra vase filler came in handy!) at the tree by my window. Well, that's what I was doing until I went and bought earplugs. Now I have to adjust to sleeping with earplugs, it's too quiet! I usually have white noise going on in the background to drown out outdoor noises (I'm a light sleeper). That's always taken care of business, but the birds are just that loud. If I could get away with it, I'd shoot them all, but the cops are right down the street... stupid cops. Now I know how Tippi Hedren felt!

Not so fast, Von Ryan! R.I.P. Ladies

Yeah, I know, I know! I'm so far behind on both of these deaths. It's been a busy month! First off, Elizabeth Taylor... where do I even begin? The most beautiful fucking movie star to ever grace the silver screen is a nice starting point. She was larger-than-life and just amazing all around, they don't make 'em like her anymore. Not to mention she's responsible for one of the greatest commercials of all time. I don't know who Von Ryan is, but Liz isn't taking any of his shit!

And secondly, Phoebe Snow. Amazing talent, one-of-a-kind voice. This one in particular is sad because she's been a huge part of the soundtrack of life. My mother played her albums non-stop when I was growing up and I know damn near every one of her songs by heart. Phoebe hasn't been very active over the years - she dropped out of the scene to care for her disabled daughter - but her work will still carry on. Here's one of my fav tracks by her.

Friday, April 29, 2011

What the holy frak?!

What a great week! At the end of every month, they've been doing raffle-style drawings for people who have perfect attendance at work. I've been in all of the drawings, but have yet to win the big prize (I have been getting $100 gift cards that I've killed at Amazon each month though). Yesterday I was the last name pulled for the big prize, $1500! So, after wrestling with myself for a few hours about whether to save it or do something fun, I've decided I'm going to Hawaii in June for a little R&R vacay! I've got five weeks to get it right and tight, no muffin tops in HI!

On an unrelated note, damn I need a haircut.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Random Cuteness/Creepyness

I'm a sucker for things that are adorable and creepy at the same time (except for Anne Geddes, the stuff of nightmares!) Why the hell are these bunnies in cups? I don't think there is a cuddly or fluffy answer for that one. But dammit aren't they adorable?!

It almost makes me want a rabbit. Until I remember my horrific experiences with rabbits in the past. I'll save that for another post...

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Diva Worship

There is an abundance of huge and successful female artists at radio right now, just to name a few, Rihanna, Katy Perry, Britney, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Adele, Jennifer Lopez (comeback!), Nicki Minaj, Pink, Avril, Fergie (courtesy of BEP), Taylor Swift, hell, even Beyonce is about to drop a track in the next couple of weeks. I'm not here to discuss the quality (or lack thereof) of these women, different strokes for different folks! But this huge glut of women at radio got me to thinking about gay men and their divas. Every gay man has a DIVA (and lets face it, most gay men have more than one). That female artist that they worship, be it blatantly or secretly. They sing her in the shower, blast her in the car, pop their asses to her music in the club. They may not admit it, but they have a concert DVD stuffed somewhere in the back of their DVD collection....

And to those gay men too ashamed of being stereotyped, stop lying to yourself! I know you have a Madonna album hiding somewhere in your house. Even the straightest, most roided-up, most self-loathing, closet-case, homophobe fag out there has a DIVA. Granted, it might be a female artist that won't raise gay suspicion (like Sheryl Crow, Stevie Nicks, etc.), but it's still the same! And let's not confuse diva and female singer, there is a huge difference. My favorite female in the music game is Nina Persson, period. Bitch can weave a tale of heartbreak like nobody's business, but I wouldn't call her a diva. No, I'm talking about that female artist who is larger than life. 

So, who are my favorite divas? There are a few, but I'll just talk overall and current. I'm definitely of the Madonna generation. She is the queen, end of story, it's a wrap, the rest can go sit down. The videos, the concerts, the fashion, the controversies, everything! But most importantly, the music. At the end of the day, Madonna has recorded some of the finest damn pop music of the past 30 years. Her debut album sounds fresher to me today than some of the current sh*t at radio. Granted, Madge has lost some of her luster over the years, but she's still fucking Madonna.

Now, moving on to the newer generation of women. I've got to bow down to Beyonce. She pretty much sh*ts on all of her contemporaries with her stage presence alone. Everything is pulled together, the vocals, the dancing, the swag, the WIGS. Sure, she wouldn't know what the word "subtlety" meant if it crawled up her ass, but that's part of her charm. She goes big and beats you over the head with it. Her music has definitely been hit or miss, but B'Day is without a doubt the gayest album I've heard over the past decade. I think the entire thing must have been ghost-written and produced by a troupe of drag queens. And her work ethic! This bitch hasn't sat down since 1997 when the first DC single came out. RESPECT. Can't wait for the new album, which I'm sure will be hilarious and over-the-top (have you seen the video stills?) and the sure to follow trannytastic tour.

So, be honest, who are your fav divas?!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The gift that keeps on giving...

One of my co-workers/friends recently got a big promotion and is transferring to an office building far, far away. So we're throwing him a going away party/breakfast tomorrow. I didn't get home from the gym until 7:30 and then I had to take a shower and eat dinner. I originally wanted to make him cupcakes, but I'll be damned if I was baking this late at night. So I tap-danced my ass down the street and bought a bunch of pop-tarts. Don't judge me! They're breakfast food! Then I figured, if I'm going to be lazy, I could at least make it look fancy. Throw some basket filler and a few bows in there... and voila! Pop-tart basket!

This is either the most amazing thing I've ever brought to a potluck or the most embarrassing. There is no in between.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Not easy being cheesy...

I'm back from Philly! I promised awful tourist photos and I tried my best to deliver. Whenever I'm in travel mode, I seek out the stupidest photo-ops possible. In other words, if there's a giant jackalope... I'm riding it.

Swoop and I! This thing was creepy as all get out... still felt up his ass though.

I pray to God that this was a Ben Franklin impersonator, otherwise... he's just a really bad dresser.

The Liberty Bell, how cliche!

Mom, me and some guy named Rocky.

Me riding a tortoise, why the hell not? That rhino is throwing shade though... can't blame him, I still have bedhead.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Brotherly Love? But I'm an only child...

Momzilla has to attend some kind of conference in Philadelphia next week, so I'm going to drive over and spend the week. This shit better be fun... that's all I'm saying. I'm sure we'll do all of the normal touristy crap, maybe hop over to NY for a bit. I'm hideous at blogging when I'm busy (as the month of March can attest), so I'll try to take tons of embarrassing photos to post when I get back.

FYI, I'm terrible when it comes to taking pictures. I've never owned a camera not attached to a cellphone in my life.