Thursday, December 30, 2010

Xmas Carnage

Xmas is over and it's about to be 2011, where the hell did 2010 go? Whatever... I've been down in GA for the past week relaxing and not doing a damn thing. I'm a little upset that I have to fly back to PA tomorrow and rejoin the real world, I think I need one more week! The holiday festivities were off the charts as usual, I have three young cousins that absolutely explode when it's time to open presents. It's like someone threw a grenade under the tree, wrapping paper and boxes flying everywhere... I think I almost lost a hand. And just imagine, when I was a youngster, I probably acted the same way. Here's my favorite Xmas pic, I'm on the sidelines (clearly in shock) watching the carnage go down. I'm pretty sure this was my Vietnam.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Home for the holidays

Hallelujah! It is time to get my ass home for some Xmas merriment. I'll be flying back home to Georgia tomorrow and it can't come soon enough! I'm in desperate need of some R&R and everything is always so easy with the moms around. I doubt I will change out of my pajamas the entire time. Momzilla sent me this pic the other day... obviously my old cat Puss (got her when I was 16, she still lives with mom) has the right idea; snuggle up under the tree and give the evil eye to anyone who tries to disturb you. I'm coming home Puss!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Girl Pliés!

As stated back in September, Black Swan was my must see movie of the year. Oh... how I love Darren Aronofsky and his complete lack of subtlety. Sometimes I need a director to bludgeon me over the head and thankfully Darren comes from the "go big or go home" school of film-making. I knew BS (nice acronym btw) was a thriller, but I did not expect the film to be so intense. The entire last act I was on pins and needles to the point of being uncomfortable. Excellent performances all around; Portman (whom I've never liked) has never been better, Barbara Hershey is delicious as the overbearing mother and Mila Kunis projects just the right amount of sleaze. And WINONA RYDER, yes! I have missed you! She didn't have a big part, but I will never look at a fingernail file the same way again (Jebus H Krist and hail Mary, was not expecting that). I can see the transformation splitting audiences down the middle, but I was hooked. Tour de fuckin' force I say. I will be seeing this in the theater again.

Look at that stank-eye, Winona is coming for your lacefront!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

XXXmas attire

Pull out your hideous sweaters folks, tis the mutha-fuckin' season! This sweater is way too sessy for you or ya man. Someone please rip it off of me! No... seriously... I'm burning the fuck up. I don't know what lamb in hell got sheered to make this thing, but I'm on the verge of a heatstroke. How am I going to bowl in this?

 Strike a pose!

Attack of the cephalodynia

Oh Lordy, I'm getting old... The big 3-0 is next month and I just don't bounce back like I used to. Went to a "nondenominational holiday" celebration yesterday and got a little carried away with the long islands. I've pretty much been laying in bed all day playing Angry Birds on my Galaxy Tab. And the ass kicker, I'm going out tonight to do it all over again. How did I handle this when I was younger? Here's a few pics of me looking grumpy in bed:

Monday, December 13, 2010

She who laughs last...

Growing up I wasn't fully aware of Joan Rivers and her legacy. I knew her name and her voice (Spaceballs, hello), but wasn't familiar with her iconic stand-up work. I think my first true introduction to her was when she took over red carpet duties at E! in the mid-90's. I absolutely fell in love with her; she was utterly unimpressed with celebrities and talked shit about everyone. But what was so amazing about her, was that no matter how bitchy she was towards other people, she was as equally if not more self-deprecating. While everyone was raking Joan over the coals for calling celebs like Kate Winslet fat (come on, she did look chubby as hell that year), they failed to remark that she was just as vicious about her own looks. It evened the playing field for me, I never found her offensive.

Over the years I've become far more knowledgeable of her place in comic history, so I couldn't wait to see  Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work. It's probably one of the best documentaries I've seen all year. Not only because it paints such a vivid picture of Joan, but of the world of comedy as well; the ambition, the drive, the fear, the raging insecurity and constant search for approval... It also does an outstanding job of fleshing out her history and her many career ups-and-downs (Johnny Carson, her husband's suicide, etc.) I would recommend this to fans of Joan and even to people who loathe just the sound of her voice, it will definitely open your eyes. 

And most of all, the film gives me hope. This tramp is 77 years old and still working her ass off like the rent is due.  I make it a point to catch Fashion Police every Friday and Joan never fails to make me laugh.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Habeas Corpses

If you would have told me earlier this year that the best drama on television would center around a zombie apocalypse, well... I would have laughed in your face. But I'll be damned if it hasn't happened! AMC's The Walking Dead has easily become my favorite drama of the year. Thankfully, the zombies aren't the main focus of the show, nor is the reason for their existence. It's about the characters and their reactions to the horrific situations they are constantly put in. There are so many edge-of-your-seat moments; but also gory humor, a dash of sex and some truly touching dramatic moments. I'm stanning for Laurie Holden at the moment (after all of the genre shows/films she's done, she should have a bigger fanboy following by now!) But I'm trying not to get too attached, the writers don't seem to have an issue with killing characters off. Love it. Even the opening credits are epic!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Don't cum in me...

Oh youtube... youtube youtube youtube. You are without a doubt the gift that keeps on giving. I didn't think a no-name indie rap act would top "Smang It" for awhile, but Ray Jr. has done it with his brand new opus "She Said (Don't Cum In Me)." Ray is actually irrelevant on his own track, because it's all about the HOOK. And Erika Kayne is sanging the hell out of it... "DON'T CUM IN MAAAAYYYY! DON'T CUM IN MAAAAYYYY!" Talk about an ear-worm! Thanks to Michael K for bringing this to my attention.

Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie!

I don't know what it is about snowy weather, but I always want a freakin' chicken pot pie when the fluffy stuff is falling. Unfortunately, I have neither the time nor patience to make one from scratch, so my good friend Marie Callender has come to the rescue! It'll do in a pinch.

Here's a few pics from my deck. Later, I attempted to make a snow angel on the lounge chair, yeah.... not so good.

Happy Haneke!

In celebration of Hanukkah I decided to have a mini-marathon of one of my favorite directors, Michael Haneke. Alright, moment of honesty, I don't know two shits about Hanukkah... I just needed the holiday for the terrible pun in the title. For shame!

I still hadn't seen his latest, the award-snatching The White Ribbon, so I decided to re-watch two of his older works to get in the mood. First up, La Pianiste with the divine Isabelle Huppert and secondly my FAV Haneke film (and one of my favorite films period) Caché. A good time was had by all, and by all, I mean myself and the bowl of cheese grits I ate while watching.

Needless to say, The White Ribbon is a fucking gorgeous film. My cold, cynical heart even melted at a few points. The old-fashioned love story woven throughout is actually moving. And don't even get me started on the scene where the little boy gives his father a bird to replace his old one (pictured above)... Haneke is going soft on us! Well, not really, the film is also incredibly dark and sinister. And also a huge step up from his completely useless remake (of his own film no less) Funny Games. I can't stomach Michael Pitt's face for one minute, let alone through an entire film. Caché is still his best work, but this is right up there. Astounding!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Sång till Norden

Sweden has given us some amazing gifts over the years... just to name a few: ABBA, meatballs, The Cardigans, Stieg Larsson, Alexander Skarsgård, the Swedish Chef, The Knife, IKEA, Alexander Skarsgård... wait, did I say his name already? It was worth mentioning twice.

Anyways! Robyn is another one of their top notch exports, she's the biggest damn pop star that the world keeps ignoring for some reason. The last entry in her Body Talk series is damn near pop perfection. It takes five tracks each from the first two entries and adds five brand new sparkling songs. She's heartbreaking, she's boastful, she's dewy-eyed, she's tongue-in-cheek, she's a bitch... basically she runs the gamut. And she sells them all with conviction. Get with the program America!

I think Alexander would agree.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

TSA or T&A?

Don't want to be manhandled or body-scanned at the airport? Then just show up in your underwear! That's what Tammy Banovac did. Something about her face isn't right... but dammit, I like her moxie! On my recent trip to Nashville I had to go through the body scanner. It didn't bother me at all, and believe me, usually, I don't pose naked for free. But the thought of some perv in a dark faraway room watching me naked... well, it kind of flipped my trigger. Get over it people! There are more disturbing things in this life to worry about... like the recent Grammy nominations. Seriously? Justin Bieber!? Best New Artist!? Suddenly the idea of blowing up on a plane doesn't seem so bad.